Mindy Reflection #54

November 30, 2016

 

I almost wrote that e-mail. You know the one where you tell your dearest friend what they should do next in their life. I really had a good plan and was convinced it was inspired. I had already shared some of my thoughts with this person, but I was going to drive it home with an e-mail that would sear the words into their consciousness. I stopped myself after reviewing a brilliant e-mail I was writing in my head while I was in the shower. The truth is I hate it when a well meaning friend comes up with a light bulb moment for my future. I’m already exhausted from all of my own ideas and when you add yours to mine I just feel more exhausted than I did before. Living takes a lot of energy. I can only live my life, not yours and mine. Maybe your great idea will interfere with my great idea? Maybe neither of our ideas are so great? When I have a thought I elevate it to genius material. Who doesn’t like feeling brilliantly inspired? It makes me feel good to inflate my ordinary thoughts to heights that are unrealistic. It’s like an expresso jolt to my nervous system. It’s short lived and artificially stimulated, but for a little while I have blown my mind with my self importance. In truth, I only remember your great idea when mine has failed. Only then is it of value as a way to despair over the choices I’ve made. We all have doubts, so when life doesn’t go where I want it to I can wonder about your great idea and if it would have changed the outcome. Forgive me for any of my great ideas that I threw in your direction. All I did was inflate my ego and make your “to do” list three pages longer. I’m enjoying practicing being quiet. I’m enjoying not pretending to know or trying to figure out your life for you. If I actually could figure it out I would be cheating you of the victory of figuring it out for yourself. Part of the earth life experience is to keep making those right and wrong decisions that lead you to your destiny. The greatest idea is when you wake up one day and realize that there were never any mistakes. You were always heading on this path. It was tailor made for you. With all I did and didn’t do right or wrong and all the advice I never listened to, miraculously I’m exactly where I was meant to be. I’ve loved every step of this journey because I earned every drop of this amazing life. I wonder what’s coming next? 

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